Loss...... and Acceptance

It just occurred to me how much i missed the things that happened to me in the past. In the recent days where i seem to be getting more solitude, i tend to be recalling more and more memories about my experiences in the past. Looking through the photos of friends i've met in secondary school have stirred those memories locked in me for ages. Hmmmm i guess it all started with the death of Kuttner.... But it made me feel a true sense of loss... of something dear to me has been taken away.... Right... it might just be a fictional character... but the emotional attachment is very real. Then today, a good friend of mine showed me this video. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=84870139415&ref=mf. My heart goes out to the poor lady who just lost her husband. It might just be an advertisement. But how damn true it is for only truly missing something when it is gone forever. I've lived through my life i would say full of ups and downs.. But fortunately or unfortunately i've yet to experience true loss. Each failure that have come to pass has ended up being a blessing in disguise.. Well that's what i felt though. Is it optimism or is it pure luck... Or is it that someone up there likes me... Maybe all these minor experiences of loss is a lesson to prepare me for true loss.... I know one day this will happen... When those dear to me have to leave. Am i ready? Will my heart stay as strong as what i've been telling myself? I truly hope so when the time comes.

I dread the day where i need to say goodbye to my parents. But its because i fear i have not done enough for them.... Why so!! What should i do... These questions encircle in my head more frequently in recent days. Hmmmm is it the realization that i'm no longer a kid anymore? That after this semester i will be heading back to reality as a full fledged adult? I think so. Let this entry continue to fill me with the realization of loss, and act as a reminder that i DO NOT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. If by chance someone is reading this, I do hope that you too share what i am feeling now. To realise that loss is something that will always bring misery to your life. But loss will also bring you the acceptance that nothing is impermanent, and to appreciate all things that have been given to you....

Kuttner Died!!!

Just yesterday... as per normal i was watching House.... my favorite American drama. All was well new medical mystery House cracking his head as usual and all of a sudden.. Kuttner does not come to work... Why? Cos he committed suicide!!!! I was like WTF!!! He's such a good doctor and the director has to kill off his character.. Well i'll talk about the real reason later but still on the serious note. This episode really struck me hard on something. Imagine doing what you do everyday meeting your friends as per normal and yet one day, you go to school and you hear that one of you friends has committed suicide. It doesn't get any better when you think how is this possible when u meet that friend almost every day always smiling, taking life as per normal. Yet deep down inside he's suffering, not telling anyone and then on one fine day, he snaps and pulls the trigger. This feeling sucks.... knowing that you just spoke or heard from the guy a few days ago and now... you never get to see him again. The good people of the House drama has done a damn fine job in making me aware of people who have suicidal intents. It could be anybody. And worst of all he might even be the one smiling everyday as though life was just perfect.
Watching that episode left a very bitter feeling in my heart. Although its just a fictional character, but seriously, this can happen to anybody. Gosh i hope i don't have to go through this pain. Now for the anti climatic part. As i was saying towards the end of the episode i was so sad about the suicide. But then when i just opened a web browser i was like WTF!!! again. There you have Kal Penn the actor who played Kuttner being featured in Yahoo news. Apparently Kal decided to stop his acting career and went over to help President Obama. Gosh!!!! But still it was amazing how the good people who made House has once again surprised me with their excellent script writing again. To David Shore and his crew, keep up the good work!!!
To Hugh Laurie, if i ever see you in my life, all I want is not an autograph, but just a recording of you saying "You Idiot!!!" in my face... Lastly to Kal Penn, Good luck in you new job!!!!

Lead in Lipstick

Its been a while since i last wrote an entry... Believe it or not, i was abducted by aliens who did all sorts of weird experiments on me and... Ok ok i neglected the blog.... a little.... Anyway... Been coding my thesis project the past few weeks. Boy am i rusty with C#.... Fortunately i had my past works to refer to hehe.. Managed to implement captcha too... Its the cool little verification code u need to enter to verify user input. Now on to this entry's topic.... Its my first time hearing that lipsticks contain lead... I thought lead was a very poisonous metal for us and yet cosmetic makers add a "miniscule" amount into it... Not sure what they are thinking. Anyway its been rumored that to test if a lipstick has lead, all u need is to apply some on a AL foil and then rub it hard with a cloth... If it turns black then lead is found inside. Its kinda like an urban myth but haha all i can say is that thank god im a guy.... So ladies remember not too much lipstick!!

Entry no. 3...

Lol.... im writing this entry because some "marine animal" bugged me to write it... But fortunately had something to write about...

These past few days i've been hearing a few problems from ppl... Unemployment, not the best trainee etc... In the end all these leads to dissappointment. In life we are always faced with disappointment. About big things or small matters.... It always leaves a bitter feeling in our heart. As the saying goes the higher our expectations the bigger the disappointment.. How many times have i experience extreme confidence in winning something only to have failure punch me in the gut. I've recently had the opportunity to watch videos of Nick Vuijicic.... He's a guy who has no limbs... but still he's happy and content. At 23 he's a professional speaker and has touch the hearts of so many people, including mine. If only we could look at things as he does the world would have been so much better. Perspective is a big word, but it's misunderstood by many people. Humans tend to always see the negative sides of things. Always pointing out each other's short comings. With a change of perspective, we would have seen things in a much different light. Just like putting on a pair of glasses to correct your vision, you tend to see thing much clearly. Sadly its something i've not perfected. I do hope that i will have more opportunities like what Nick had and at the same time touch the hearts of others....

Went for a run last night.. Seems like my stamina increased by quite a bit. Ran for 35 mins and was able to maintain a constant speed... lol its been a while since i last felt that way... Today im gonna swim 30 laps at my pool (i try that is)...

Brisbane

Hmmm 2nd post now... I'm at home all alone... enjoying the peace, listening to music.... Studying in Aussie does bring about a level of freedom that no where you can find. Gosh im so gonna miss this place when i return back home. Still all the memories, all the friends... they will stay with me always. Now i truly understand why ppl invite uni friends over to their weddings. Its not about quantity of time u spend with a person or with people. Its really about the quality of time. Its also why people say you are a different person when you have studied abroad. I write this down as a tribute to all the wonderful friends who have made my time in Brisbane so wonderful. The pals, gals and my aussie "family"... Sometimes i do wish you guys are still here in Brissy.. But no gathering comes without a separation. Here in this blog i've written down the loneliness kept deep deep down within my heart i suppose no one knows. Just hope the next entry will be a more cheerful one. XD

WoW update:
Got that ring from H UK.. rox!!!!
DPS still sucks though...

First Timer

Hmm its my first time bloggin... I've never thought about bloggin before until this course. But oh well maybe it'll go far hehe..