Loss...... and Acceptance

It just occurred to me how much i missed the things that happened to me in the past. In the recent days where i seem to be getting more solitude, i tend to be recalling more and more memories about my experiences in the past. Looking through the photos of friends i've met in secondary school have stirred those memories locked in me for ages. Hmmmm i guess it all started with the death of Kuttner.... But it made me feel a true sense of loss... of something dear to me has been taken away.... Right... it might just be a fictional character... but the emotional attachment is very real. Then today, a good friend of mine showed me this video. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=84870139415&ref=mf. My heart goes out to the poor lady who just lost her husband. It might just be an advertisement. But how damn true it is for only truly missing something when it is gone forever. I've lived through my life i would say full of ups and downs.. But fortunately or unfortunately i've yet to experience true loss. Each failure that have come to pass has ended up being a blessing in disguise.. Well that's what i felt though. Is it optimism or is it pure luck... Or is it that someone up there likes me... Maybe all these minor experiences of loss is a lesson to prepare me for true loss.... I know one day this will happen... When those dear to me have to leave. Am i ready? Will my heart stay as strong as what i've been telling myself? I truly hope so when the time comes.

I dread the day where i need to say goodbye to my parents. But its because i fear i have not done enough for them.... Why so!! What should i do... These questions encircle in my head more frequently in recent days. Hmmmm is it the realization that i'm no longer a kid anymore? That after this semester i will be heading back to reality as a full fledged adult? I think so. Let this entry continue to fill me with the realization of loss, and act as a reminder that i DO NOT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. If by chance someone is reading this, I do hope that you too share what i am feeling now. To realise that loss is something that will always bring misery to your life. But loss will also bring you the acceptance that nothing is impermanent, and to appreciate all things that have been given to you....

Kuttner Died!!!

Just yesterday... as per normal i was watching House.... my favorite American drama. All was well new medical mystery House cracking his head as usual and all of a sudden.. Kuttner does not come to work... Why? Cos he committed suicide!!!! I was like WTF!!! He's such a good doctor and the director has to kill off his character.. Well i'll talk about the real reason later but still on the serious note. This episode really struck me hard on something. Imagine doing what you do everyday meeting your friends as per normal and yet one day, you go to school and you hear that one of you friends has committed suicide. It doesn't get any better when you think how is this possible when u meet that friend almost every day always smiling, taking life as per normal. Yet deep down inside he's suffering, not telling anyone and then on one fine day, he snaps and pulls the trigger. This feeling sucks.... knowing that you just spoke or heard from the guy a few days ago and now... you never get to see him again. The good people of the House drama has done a damn fine job in making me aware of people who have suicidal intents. It could be anybody. And worst of all he might even be the one smiling everyday as though life was just perfect.
Watching that episode left a very bitter feeling in my heart. Although its just a fictional character, but seriously, this can happen to anybody. Gosh i hope i don't have to go through this pain. Now for the anti climatic part. As i was saying towards the end of the episode i was so sad about the suicide. But then when i just opened a web browser i was like WTF!!! again. There you have Kal Penn the actor who played Kuttner being featured in Yahoo news. Apparently Kal decided to stop his acting career and went over to help President Obama. Gosh!!!! But still it was amazing how the good people who made House has once again surprised me with their excellent script writing again. To David Shore and his crew, keep up the good work!!!
To Hugh Laurie, if i ever see you in my life, all I want is not an autograph, but just a recording of you saying "You Idiot!!!" in my face... Lastly to Kal Penn, Good luck in you new job!!!!